I was supposed to post the story of Audrey’s birth a loooong time ago, but things have been so busy! Audrey is now 12 weeks old, and this time with her has been so magical, so amazing. Motherhood is the best thing in the world. It’s not always easy, there are some moments when you don’t know what to do with this little thing who has been fed, changed, hugged and is still crying… But this feeling of loving her so much that you think your heart might break from being overused is totally priceless. I wonder if it lasts forever or if it goes away at some point? I hope it does last forever. It’s too great to care for and love someone so much.

The good side of waiting so long before telling the story of her birth is that this will be a much shorter version than if I had told it right after it happened.

I broke my water on September 25, around 5 p.m. Dutchboy was finishing up his day at work, so I called him and told him it was it. We got to the hospital around 6.30. When asked if I had contractions, I was like “Well, I don’t feel anything more than the Braxton Hicks contractions I’ve been having since week 30”. Turned out that I was having contractions every 2-4 minutes, but I couldn’t feel the pain of them! I was put on IV for Strep B treatment, and labor was induced (because I had lost my water, we needed to be sure she would come out within 24 hours, so a little help was necessary).

Contractions got closer together and stronger, but I didn’t feel any pain (which was a good thing because I couldn’t have the epidural). Work progressed nicely during the night. Contractions were still not hurting, and I kept thinking the pain was going to kick in at some point. It didn’t! I was given some nubin during the night so I could sleep a bit. I love this drug! Dutchboy also slept in the chair next to me.

Around 5.30 on the morning of September 26, the doctor told me I was completely dilated. Since I still didn’t have any pain,  I was really surprised. I started pushing at 6.55. Two hours later, still nothing. We found out that the baby had moved and was now lying in a transversal position: there was no way she would come out of there naturally. After trying (and failing) the forceps, it ended in a c-section (under general anasthesia).

Audrey was born at 9.34 a.m. on September 26. She was very sleepy because of the anasthesia and swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid at birth, so she needed to be intubated and kept in the ICU for the first days of her life (she was extubated after 6 hours, though). I didn’t see her for 12 hours after she was born, but thankfully Dutchboy and my sister (who works at the hospital) were there to give me regular news.

I finally had Audrey with me in my room two days and a half after she was born (the first nights without her were so difficult, it was so hard to hear the babies crying in the other rooms and not have mine with me) . The first moments without her were difficult, but what really matters is that she was doing great and was in perfect health, despite the difficult birth.

Despite the c-section, I keep saying that it was a perfect birth. It was painless (the worst moment was waking up after the surgery), Audrey was doing great (despite the small respiratory problems at first) and we were so happy.

The one thing that I do regret, however, is regarding the breastfeeding. Audrey was given the bottle while in the ICU (I didn’t have much milk in the first few days because I wasn’t with her much and I never had the chance to hold her skin to skin), and she always refused to latch on the breast after this. No matter how hard we tried, it never worked. I fed her with a nipple shield, but my milk production never got high enough to satisfy her needs, so we’ve had to do mixed feeding from the beginning. I took Domperidone to stimulate my milk production, too, but that wasn’t enough either. It’s been a difficult situation, and very hard to accept, too. Now, I really don’t have much milk left (barely an ounce a day), and although I’m glad I was able to give her some maternal milk all this time, I still haven’t accepted and still am not at peace with the situation. I would have wanted to breastfeed her exclusively until she was 6 months.

BUT Audrey is growing beautifully, she is an amazing little girl, we absolutely adore her and she makes us the happiest and proudest parents in the world!

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I had to wait 6 weeks after delivery to start yoga again. I waited 5 weeks… and 6 days.  I was totally itching to get back to the practice, I was so looking forward to it! Since week 6, I’ve been going to at least 1 class a week. I’m only doing gentle classes; restorative or anti-stress yoga. It’s enough for now. The pregnancy was a bit rough, I don’t feel I’ve fully recovered yet. But I’m getting there!

I just signed up for WoYoPracMo again. Hopefully I will do better than last year (I practiced every day for the first two weeks, but then I felt so tired every night that I gave up… I found out on January 17 that I was pregnant!). My goal: 10 minutes of daily meditation and 10 minutes of daily practice. It’s really not a lot, but with a 3-month old baby, it may be very optimistic! I’ll be very happy if I can get that much yoga in.

I’m also starting to teach my first regular yoga class in January! A few weeks ago, I told the manager of my yoga studio that I would be glad to be on the sub teachers list for January… She offered me a class instead! So I’ll be teaching anti-stress yoga on Tuesday mornings. I am so looking forward to that!

In other news, we moved to a nicer, bigger appartment this week-end. The place is a whole mess right now (try setting things up with a young baby!). Thank god the holidays are coming and so Dutchboy will be a little bit more home and we can do all the work together.

Nap time for Audrey… and me. It’s been a hard week-end, I worked hard yesterday (with all the snow we got, I dug the car out… fun!!!)

More soon… I promise!

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